Dear Crabby is a weekly column featuring the loveable but cantankerous Crabby, full of relationship advice for the lovesick. Let’s read what advice she has today for our poor reader.
I know you’ll never get this letter, but I have to write it anyway. Now that we are in the midst of a real life zombie apocalypse, I’m in close contact with a man who was my biggest crush as a youth, and definitely my biggest regret. No, I don’t regret crushing on him, but I regret letting him slip through my fingers. Thanks to my inexperience and raging naïveté back then, it’s not really a surprise that I had no clue how to catch him.
But this zombie apocalypse has kind of given me a second chance. He and I are right now in close quarters, having to find a way to survive the harsh winter. We haven’t seen many of the undead, and I’m grateful for that, because we’ve discovered I’m lousy at self-defense. My saving grace in this wintry wilderness is that I am capable of working my ass off under adverse conditions and I’m a hell of a cook, even when all I’ve got is a can of beans and some onions.
The cabin fever is getting to us all and it feels like something’s gonna break, but I’m tired of it feeling like it’s going to be my heart. It aches for this man every day. Not having seen him for years had put some distance there, and it was easy to forget all my old hopes and dreams, but having him right here, right now, next to me day in and day out…it’s almost too much to take. Worse yet, he’s hinted that maybe he and his ex-wife aren’t so ex after all.
I don’t know what to do!
I guess I’ll just go on as I always have and find a way to, once again, shut off my emotions, but it’s hard. What can I do, Crabby?
-Forlorn in the Forsaken Forest
Our poor reader can’t actually send her letter to Crabby, through the mail or email, but she has imagined what the cantankerous advice column writer might say to her…
Oh, my. All these years and you still have no idea how to control your emotions. You are a grown woman, for heaven’s sake. Act like it. If you want him to know how you feel, TELL HIM. If you want to know about his ex-wife, ASK HIM. He has no reason to volunteer this information, especially if you haven’t told him how you feel. Communication ain’t a four-letter word, sister. Sheesh.
Dear Crabby will address reader letters every Monday.
In the meantime, if you’re curious about how “Forlorn in the Forsaken Forest” handled her problem, you can find out in Savage: