Dear Crabby is a weekly column featuring the loveable but cantankerous Crabby, full of relationship advice for the lovesick. Let’s read what advice she has today for our poor reader.
I have been in love with my best friend for what seems like forever, but really it began about eight years ago. It’s a long story, but the short version is that I had just broken up with my then boyfriend because I caught him cheating on me (and you don’t even want to know that story!). Anyway, my friend (we’ll call him Sean) invited me over when he knew I was upset. One thing led to another, and we slept together.
I realize this may seem crass or even slutty, but let me assure you it was not. While I’d never thought about Sean in that way before, it was kind of natural, considering we’ve been friends since high school and that happened when we were in our early twenties. But we’re not together now because…well, I accidentally called him the name of my ex in the height of passion. It was awkward and embarrassing, and I know Sean didn’t feel good about it. Whether it was that or something else, Sean and I never pursued anything further and we worked things out so we could still be friends. And, don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful for his friendship. I don’t know what I’d do without him.
Part of the problem is I’ve been pining for him ever since. I might not have realized I loved him until that fateful moment, but I know I do now. Or maybe it’s just lust and it’s unrequited. Whatever the case, I make poor relationship choices frequently, and that’s why. It’s not because I’m afraid of making another mistake, but it’s because I know any and all men will pale to Sean in comparison. See, he’s an honest, outspoken guy and he’s not afraid of making anyone angry, so long as they know where he stands—and that includes some of the bigwigs in our town. He’s a business owner (he owns a motorcycle repair shop) too. He’s not rich by any stretch of the imagination, but he does well enough that he doesn’t have to worry about money. He’s also—well, there’s no other way to say it than to just spit it out. He’s hot. Gorgeous. The fantasy of many women.
He just told me recently that he’s considering moving in with his girlfriend. I didn’t try to discourage him, but I’m wondering if maybe I just need to be honest with him one last time. What do you think?
–Worried in Winchester
You need to get over it. If this guy has a girlfriend that he’s serious enough to move in with, then you need to back the hell off. Stop making bad relationship choices. Either find someone you feel comfortable with or spend fifty bucks for a battery-operated boyfriend and wait for the right guy. I’m currently single and I do just fine without a man.
By the way, honesty is overrated. Do yourself a favor and shut your trap.
Dear Crabby will address reader letters every Monday.
In the meantime, if you want to know how “Worried in Winchester” fared with her friend Sean, you can find out in Got the Life, Nicki Sosebee #1.